Downsized! Files: Shipping Error, Final

“This is probably not a good time to mention it, but could I suggest cutting down on the high-fiber baby formula?”

The pharmacy changing station is empty, I’m glad to see.  The last thing I want is more company right now.  It’s funny-I never saw changing stations like these in my hometown.  Instead of simple stalls bolted to the wall, they tended to be fully furnished and stocked rest areas.  Of course, there weren’t many runts in my town, I’m guessing-if there were, they must have stayed low profile.  

“Oh, stop griping, Anderson, you know my methods by now.”  I had to admit, I saw her point.  She only drinks the fiber stuff when she knows she has an important meeting and needs to have all her accidents done with beforehand.  I think as I lift the well-dressed kitten in the stinky pants onto the table and set her on her back with a lumpy squish, of course that means I get the dirty work.

It’s true, though-by now, I know the routine.  At first I was nervous as hell, screwing up, dropping wipes, getting powder on Ms. W’s blazer, it was terrible.  Now, it’s almost like clockwork:  Help her unbuckle the belt, take off the blazer and skirt, hang them by the stall, and get to changing.

We usually engage in conversations to pass the time quicker.  Usually it’s about work, but we’re not in the office, are we?  “Are you sure you’re not timing these accidents to make a fool of me?”

Kylie snorts at that, showing a little trace of fang as she smirks.  “Young man, if I had any control over my movements I wouldn’t need to have dragged you on this little field trip, would I?”  She calmly lifts her legs, and I get on with the worst of it.

“I know, I know.  And you don’t have to call me ‘young man’ all the time.  I’m not that much younger than you, boss.”

“You certainly act like it,”  Kylie retorts with a perk of her fluffy, frost-topped ears.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a junior accountant, even a temp, mouth off to a superior as much as you.  What would Sylvia think, hm?”

“Hah!  She’s used to it, Ms. W.  In fact, I think she just chose me to help her out with this because she wanted to take me out of my comfort zone.”  she certainly succeeded, I thought as I rolled up my almighty superior’s dirty diaper and tossed it into the pail.  I’m counting the days of her recovery, that’s for sure.

The new diaper did look different, I realized as I unfolded it and set it under the boss’ bottom.  Slimmer, more streamlined, but still well protected in places.  “...So this is the diaper for the runt on the ...go, is it.”

“Oh my god.  I should fire you right now for that!”  It gets a laugh, at least, despite the glare Kylie’s trying to give me.

Soon she’s all taped up, and I help her back into the suit.  She’s back to her professional, imperious self.  “All right.  Let’s get back, I have a meeting to attend.  Head straight back to the office, there’s some signing to be done and I need you there.”  

“What?  Boss, at least let me get some coffee or a donut or something!”

“You heard me.  We head back, you go straight to the office.”





I manage an annoyed grumble along with my stomach as I head back up the elevator and hang my coat up at the door.  Okay, first things first.  Take that stupid pack and-

Wait.  That’s not the box I’d come in with, is it?

Sure enough, I walk over and inspect the shipping box-inside is a pack of Lux first-class cool gray business diapers, unopened.  There’s a handwritten note taped to the pack, too.

‘Sidney,
I’m really sorry about the mix up.  The delivery guy didn’t read the room labels right and Kylie’s pack was sent to the daycare office.  I couldn’t get up there until I was on break I’m so sorry I know there’s this big meeting today and I tried to get there but you two were already gone I’m so sorry I’ll make it up to you say hi to Kylie for me.

Sorry and thanks
LIz’

Ah, Liz.  Daycare loner against a platoon of preschoolers, and the only person I know who can gibber in written form.

As soon as I’m done with the note, there’s a knock on the door.

“Delivery for Whiptail?  Two deluxe?”

The scent of hot delivered asian cuisine fills my nostrils, and I stammer out a yes.

...Staying to sign for something, indeed.  Maybe the Whip isn’t so bad, after all.

About twenty minutes later, Kylie opens the door, striding with a swing in her waddle and a grin of monarchic pride.  “Meeting went well, then?”  I ask.

“In no small part to your help with the numbers, Anderson.  Ah, I see lunch has arrived.”

“It was hell waiting for you, while this was waiting on the break table.”  I move up to clock out of the computer.

“Oh, don’t bother.  You earned this, it’s on the clock.”

“Wow, the meeting must have gone really well!”  I sit back down, and set everything down on the table.  Kylie pushes her boosted chair next to my own, and I set a baby bottle of punch down as I open the meals-surf and turf, extra portions, wonton appetizers.  I haven’t had a meal this good since the holidays!  ...Kylie has the same thing, just a smaller portion pre-cut into bitesized pieces.  “I’m sorry if I griped too much today, boss.”

“I won’t hear of it.  I was pressured today and I took it out on you.  ...Liz explained everything while I was on my way back.  Consider this a one-time apology.”  Kylie raised her ba-ba.  “It’s back to formula after this, but let’s enjoy a well deserved feast.”  

I clink my cup to her bottle.  “To the shipping department, and the paid lunch they'll never get!"